Sunday, April 29, 2007

Laugh of the day

Conversation between me and Devyn (9 years old):

Devyn: Can I get an ice cream when the ice cream man comes? I'll get you one too. I have my own money.


Me: Yeah, I just want you to come straight back home. Don't get caught up talking to Kristin. (I ignore the part about whether I want one or not 'cause I really didn't)


Devyn: Yeah, but do you want one? I'll get you one.


Me: Umm, I guess. Thanks.


Devyn: What kind do you want?


Me: Nutty Buddy


Devyn: Ok.............................................Can I borrow a dollar?

Fun Stuff

This was kinda fun to take.....and pretty close for me.


Saturday, April 28, 2007

My crazy, coherent, messed up thoughts

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I hate baths but I love showers.

I think vanilla ice cream is pointless but chocolate is divine.

I hate dresses and dressing up. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal.

I have been in a bar maybe 3 times in my whole life.

I'm a homebody. I usually wait for movies to come out on DVD but would probably prefer going to the theater.

I once had a rat attack me. Ok, it probably wasn't "attacking" me...but it felt like it.

I have no hair color preference when it comes to guys.

I love my brother. I hate my sister. I only have one sibling.

I love amusement parks. Disneyland really is the happiest place on earth. Well, it's at least the happiest commercial place on earth, but at some point, I realize two things: A) I'm drinking bottled water. B)I'm about to pay $4-5 for a 16 oz. bottle of water. C)I'm now one of those people who not only drinks bottled water but also pays for it..........and yes, I know that was 3 things.

I love the beach but I never swim in the ocean because I'm paranoid of sharks. I may wade
slightly
but I promise you, I'm not getting in.

I want to do something crazy like bungee jump but I'm scared to death of heights. That's also why it makes perfect sense that I like the highest, scariest roller coaster rides available.

My idea of a perfect day is rain outside, a good book and unlimited hot chocolate, with marshmallows of course.

I hate when people don't know how to use the words "your" and "you're" properly but I say (spell) things like "wanna" and "gonna".

I enjoy talking to people but people scare me.

I don't get carsick.

I rarely get allergies.

I hate milk...unless it's in cereal. But I also pretty much hate cereal, so I rarely have either.

I rarely drink anything else but water. Except on those rare weeks where I'm craving Slurpees.

I rarely use the words "rare" and "rarely".

I hate commercials, which is why I love my Tivo.

My favorite time of day is night.

I hate the dark.

I'm not scared of darkness, it just hurts my eyes.

I've been told that I'm a completely different person in the later afternoon. That's usually a good thing.

I try to watch as many sunsets as I can. I don't have any deep reasons for that. I just like sunsets.

I hate bats.

I was hoping the bats I saw tonight would get closer so I could watch them better.

I like rain but I hate getting wet.

I only like liquid soap.

I have irrational fears like when I go in the backyard when it's dark, I'm afraid a mountain lion will attack me. There are no mountain lions in my general area....and, I'm not afraid of flying or even of being in a plane crash, but I'm terrified that one day I'll see an actual plane crash in front of me, which is why I won't go to air shows and why I avoid looking at planes that are overhead.

When all is said and done.....I'll still like the color purple.

Oh yeah, and my brother has it all wrong...I'M pretty much the whitest Mexican you'll ever run into. At least he can tan!

Kids say the darndest things

So, I was gonna start this out completely differently but then my mind started wandering, as usual..... and since I know R is gonna read this, I also know that she'll totally get it.


First, I have to say that even though my kids drive me crazy, oh about 90% of the time, they are still really, really, really good kids. Over the last year, 3 of the kids that mine have grown up with have either gone to jail, or are about to go for some pretty serious stuff. 2 years ago 2 friends of my oldest died in a very ugly car crash due to them drinking and driving at the age of 14. And in February, one of the girls my 15 year old used to be close friends with had a baby. She was 14 when she got pregnant and 15 when she had her son. I say all this just to remind myself that my kids really aren't bad kids at all....just typical kids. As I was thinking about the above incidences as well as others, I realized that I could count on one hand (3 fingers actually) the times my kids have done something monumentally stupid....and even those things don't come close to the above.


My oldest will be 17 in a little over a month, so she's definitely in that whole "You're treating me like I'm 5", while rolling her eyes stage. And of course, I've now turned into my parents (argh!!!) with my whole "I don't care if everyone else's parents let them do it.....they're not my kids and it's my job to protect you 'cause no matter how old you think you are, you're still living in MY house with MY rules and I want to know where you're going, what you're gonna be doing, who else is gonna be there, what time you're coming home and I had BETTER get a phone call when you're there because, contrary to what YOU think, I don't pay for your cell phone just for you to talk to your friends! And don't you DARE CALL ME OVERLY-EMOTIONAL!!!!!!" rant.......of course, all said while I'm shaking my finger.Yeah, because clearly I wasn't overly-emotional. Anyway, the point is, we're pretty much normal.


*sigh* Whatever happened to the pledge I made when I was 16 that no matter what my kids did, I would NEVER, EVER treat them the way my parents did......because of course, my parents were total nerds, had no clue what they were talking about and well, I knew better???


So, since we're normal, of course my kids also have a problem with some of the music I listen to. Unfortunately for them, they know Hotel California by heart, even though they'd prefer not to (and one day I WILL be able to convince them that it's the greatest song ever). But what's worse than that is when they get stuck in the car with me (because I am the only person allowed to change the channels.....uhh, I don't know who could have made that rule up) and I can see them crossing their fingers, closing their eyes, saying their prayers and chanting "Please, no. Please, no. Please, no." and then when I hit the Country station, you hear "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW C'MONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN........GOD MOMMMMMMMMM...........NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!". I enjoy all kinds of music....country included but it's not my favorite. However, I will admit that more times than not, I hit that station just to annoy them because I'm such an adult that way *evil laugh*. Anyway, they don't like country, so if I'm home and they're not trapped in a car with me, I won't force them to listen to it. I just listen to it in my room if that's my preference at the moment. Sooooooo, the other day my 15 year old comes in my room and lays on the bed while I'm engrossed in various Youtube videos. I happened to run across one I hadn't heard in about a week and start playing it and Catalina says "Who is that?" and, knowing she won't care because it's country, I say "Ehh, just some country chick. She's only 17."....and we start discussing why she's singing about Tim McGraw. Now, I gotta say that Catalina (15 year old) is a bit more open-minded when it comes to music than Marina (16 year old) is....but, she's not a fan of country, unless it's Martina McBride. But I start to notice that Catalina hasn't bailed yet and she's actually watching the video and asking me "what'd she say there?" and I realize that, at the very least, she doesn't hate it. So, fast forward about 3 days to yesterday and while the girls are doing their normal morning routine, I hear that song playing and it wasn't on my computer...it was on theirs. Now, truthfully, I was stunned but I said nothing. I pretended I didn't even notice it. Sometimes teenagers are like some elusive, nocturnal creature that scares easily......and if you say what you want to, they'll run and then you missed your chance to watch something you thought you'd never see. Soooo,I look over at Marina because she's the one that should really be having a fit by that point in the song, but she wasn't. I thought she must be really tired because there is no way in hell she would normally listen to that of her own free will. But, again, I leave it be and walk away laughing (to myself, of course). Now, fast forward to this morning...................................


They were going with their friend and his family to have a BBQ for the kids uncle who just got back from Iraq this week. It's a couple hour drive north, so they had to be up and out early. So, I hear all the noises that they make every morning when getting ready....including the music blaring, because for some reason, they don't get that our house isn't a studio and my room isn't soundproofed, so, YES, I CAN hear your music even when my door is closed! But, it's their normal racket, so nothing out of the ordinary there. I hadn't turned my laptop on yet, and frankly, wasn't planning on getting online then, but I saw theirs on and I decided to check my email and myspace. Catalina's in the background straightening her hair....Marina's putting her makeup on and out of nowhere Marina says "Taylor Swift is coming to town". Now, knowing that she hates country music, I thought she was telling me 'cause she knows I like that girl's voice. So I say "Yeah, I saw that". And then it happens............She says "We should try to get some tickets". I thought I heard that wrong, so I said "huh?"....and again I hear "We should try to get some tickets to see her". And now I'm thoroughly confused. If there was some sort of soundtrack playing in my head at the moment, you would have been able to hear Scooby's voice saying "Rikes Raggy, did she really just say "we"??? What do we do now?????" And then Shaggy would throw me a Scooby Snack to calm me down, but that's another story.........Seriously, I was dumbfounded. That was on the inside, but on the outside I was all cool and non-chalant and said something like "yeah, I guess that'd be cool". And even though I'm chronologically an adult, sometimes I suddenly become a 3rd grader again and what I really wanted to say in a 'mocking/playing' tone was "But I thought you don't like country music..........You mean to tell me that you're ACTUALLY admitting to liking a country artist??". But I didn't......'cause I'm a 3rd grader who knows better!


That whole story probably isn't gonna mean much to anyone except R......so, sorry if you read it and it bored you. Deal with your boredom, while I try to figure out how to get Taylor Swift tickets for me AND my girls' *jumps up and down*.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

"Vulgarity is vulgarity....."

Perhaps Mr. Imus did us all a huge favor (or at least me) in reminding us just how far we still need to go in our society to bring about true harmony, peace and love. I admit that I sometimes get lackadaisical, not in my own speech but at least in what I find "acceptable" for others to say. It's not that I don't think it's wrong, but by my non-actions, I do nothing to help the situation. At this time, I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes:


"In Germany, they first came for the communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Catholic. Then they came for me–and by that time there was nobody left to speak up."
Martin Niemöller (1945) [he served seven years in a concentration camp]

We all need to start speaking up.


Monday, April 9, 2007

Mother fuckin' son of a bitch

I swear to God, I will NOT be apologizing for anything I said to him earlier. Usually by this time I'm all "I'm sorry, I was being a bitch......." blah blah. Not this time.

I swear if it wasn't so hard to get a fucking divorce, I'd do it today. I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of acting like it's all okay with me.

It's not like I haven't been through this before, but fuck!!! this is almost too much right now. He's an ass and that's all there is to it. I love my kids and w/out him, I wouldn't have them, but right now that's about the only positive I can see. Yes, we're friends but I wouldn't take this shit from anyone.....except I feel forced to because I'm married to him. At the moment, about as far away as I can get is the living room....lol. That's so lame.

I'm really lame 'cause I can live my life in quotes and lyrics. Or maybe I just read and listen to too much music. Still lame. What the fuck happened to me?

I know he can't be happy with the situation either. I'm sure he feels trapped. I mean, clearly he was ready to walk away 2 years ago. I wish we would have just went through with it. If there is a "limbo" or "hell", this is it. Seriously.


"Everything you say to me takes me one step closer and I'm about to break............."

Snake

I feel like a snake shedding it's skin. I know that in the end it'll feel better but for now it's just plain ugly. I don't know how to deal with this shit, even though I pretend I do.

I'm gonna be on the lookout for that sunset tonight. I'm gonna be grateful that I'm still around. I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other, just as I've always done. I'm also gonna remember that everyone goes through this and try not to pretend that I'm alone in my misery.

The dreams are back. The bad feeling is back. Like I've said a thousand times before, there are fates worse than death. I feel like a damn fool but then again, I've always felt like that. When does it end? It's been over 20 years and when the hell does it end?? I'm getting the picture that it never does. Days get easier, that's true, but it never truly ends. And people? People will always have a way of hurting you whether they mean it or not. That's where my big mistake comes in......you'd think I would have learned by now but nooooooooooo, not me! I'm the dumbass who still believes that one day someone will come through and mean it.

I don't open up much but I guess deep inside I always think "maybe this time will be different". Well, today, at this moment, at this minute, at this second, I say "to hell with you all!!!!!!!!!". Of course, that's for my own protection.

"There is nothing better than a good lie"....especially the ones we tell ourselves.

"...There is nothing better than a good lie...."

"Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she

Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

Without the mask, where will you hide?
Can't find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

It Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool"--Evanescence

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Argh

It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's that whatever I say won't translate well over the internet.

I have all these feelings and thoughts and I feel like I'm about to explode.....and that's not a bad thing, but I don't want certain people to take them wrong. And in the end, no one is to blame but me.

Guess I'll deal with it like I always do.......just try to ignore it.

Always

I hear a voice says "don't be so blind......" (those are lyrics, btw)

Thursday, April 5, 2007

One longggg day

Well, the day's not over, but it's still been long. I seriously cannot wait 'til the kids go back to school!! Devyn is driving me insane. Who the hell came up with the bright idea to have school vacations anyway?? I love my kids but geez.....sometimes they can push my buttons. Especially when they're around each other for too long, but I suppose in light of other situations, it could be much worse.

Oooh! A good song just came on. "Am I your one and only desire...am I the reason you breathe, or am I the reason you cry?.......Always, always, always..........I love you, I hate you. I can't get around you. I breathe you, I taste you. I can't live without you. I just can't take anymore, this life of solitude. I'm guessing I'm out the door and now I'm done with you........." I had to type that one out while I was singing it :D.

Back to my regularly scheduled programming........("WHY WOULD YOU TEAR MY WORLD APART??"-----God, I love that part of the song!)

Anyway, so even though my kids are driving me crazy, I know it can be a whole lot worse. I am at such a loss as to what to do or what to say to his mom. She's so broken up and I can only imagine how she feels. It makes me wanna cry---actually, it has made me cry--and he's not even my son. It's so strange how one dumb mistake we make can change the map of our life permanently. I think about all the times my life could have been changed for the worse by my own actions and it scares the shit outta me. Then I think about how my kids are getting to an age where I couldn't rescue them if they happened to get into trouble like Logan did and that scares me even worse.

Overall though, it's been a pretty good day. I got a really nice surprise phone call from a very good friend...and, I got to see a pretty good friend later on. I swear she still looks like she did in the 4th grade....bitch! :D

Now I have to go think about my 5 things to be grateful for. I have a few on my mind....but, we'll see what i come up with.