All for nothing

According to what I've read, I should be able to do many new things today. The base of my skull was tingling and I was suddenly hyper-aware of all that was going on around me. I felt as if there were some sort of imminent danger, so carefully I searched my surroundings but all I saw was a small kitten looking for its mother. I attempted to lift and catch incredibly heavy objects such as a bus that fell off an overpass but alas, the people in the bus were none to happy when I dropped it...well, those that were still conscious weren't. I also tried to protect small, unsuspecting children who were walking underneath some major construction work. When the crane fell, I tried to catch it but alas, the children were crushed anyway. Sorry kids. I picked a fight with a 6'5, 300lb man named Tiny because I wanted to feel what it was like to be deadly in hand-to-hand combat but I walked away with a broken and bloody nose, not to mention 2 black eyes. After that failure, I asked my brother who owns a gun to shoot at me so I could test out my unmatched reflex skills. Unfortunately, I did not dodge that bullet. Even though that was quite unsuccessful in my previous endeavors, I attempted to walk up a wall and when that too failed, I decided to to take a trip to New York City to take a stab at swinging between large buildings, more specifically --skyscrapers. As you can guess by now, that didn't work out so well either. Confused and downhearted, I took a crack at shooting web-like material out of my wrists but again, no luck. As I wandered around aimlessly and perplexed at my lack of skills, I suddenly realized that the spider that bit me yesterday probably only wanted to crawl up my shirt to cop a feel. Fucking spider.